By Bryan Bennett
First off, let's accept that some of these are going to include bad language. I didn't invent the internet, I just live by its rules. So, with all our righteous indignation out of the way, let's move on:
1. @BrandsSayingBae is the leader in the clubhouse for mocking the things companies do to try and sound cool. As an added bonus, there actually is a give and take - not just a post left to a life of its own. But when the need arises, they let make it simple and instructive like this one on the passing of Prince.
— Brands Saying Bae (@BrandsSayingBae) April 21, 2016
2. @InternetOfShit asks, “Have all of your best home appliances ruined by putting the internet in them!” Personally, I can imagine the focus groups going on now in some mall in Nebraska, “Would you be more likely, as likely, or less likely to buy this toaster if it tweeted when your toast was done?” This seem appropriate here.
3. @NotZuckerberg mostly mocks Facebook but they don’t hold back digs at other tech companies - like for instance, Google. Here, they manage to make fun of Facebook AND Nationwide in one post.
Changed my mind and decided to release a 'dislike' button, but it'll be exclusively for disliking that Nationwide commercial with dead kids.
— Not Mark Zuckerberg (@notzuckerberg) February 2, 2015
4. @GetInTheSea is absolutely NSFW, but they do a great job of finding things whose ideas never should have even left somebody’s mouth.
TAKE IT BACK TO THE BUILDING SITE YOU NICKED IT FROM OR GET IN THE FUCKING SEA WITH IT pic.twitter.com/XAYEH8F7Je
— Get In The Sea (@getinthesea) May 2, 2016
And if that isn’t enough, two tweets later is this gem.
IN YOU FUCKING WELL GO pic.twitter.com/avzzNfQRUu
— Get In The Sea (@getinthesea) May 3, 2016
Tay was last seen storming off to her room after being put on internet restriction. The neighbors reported hearing her say, “You aren’t my real dad!”
6. @NotCoatFactory has gone quiet recently - but I await their triumphant return. The randomness of the tweets makes me believe: 1) Somebody at The Burlington Coat Factory was using their vacation days for mischief; or 2) They found a girlfriend. If the latter I hope they get dumped and I can get my semi regular dose of butchered English and obscure humor back. They can be hit or miss but there are many wins.
7. @JustinBieber - makes fun of all the trite MTV Behind the Music episodes ever aired. Discovery through alternative means? Check. Meteoric rise to fame? Check. Questionable decisions and a fall from grace with the media? Check. Return to prominence with a renewed attitude? Check. What? He’s real? Are you sure this isn’t a parody or the basis for a teen movie script? This can’t be a real person. I think the whole thing is one big long piece of performance art from Funny or Die. I’ll have my mom call Will Ferrell’s dad to see if it’s true and report back.
8. Sadly, @urtweetsrbad is gone. Like Icarus, this one may have flown too close to the sun since it was produced by an ad-man on a sick-day. Google it or read this for the story and some great brand fails.
9. @OnionSports just beat out @TheOnion it seemed like they were giving 110% out there and it is possible that all those people waving matching towels helped. They mock sports, sports cliches and sports “personalities” they way we all should.
— Onion Sports Network (@OnionSports) April 27, 2016
10. @TheAppleHaters seem devoid of any qualms in bashing their least favorite brand.
— The Apple Haters (@TheAppleHaters) April 2, 2016
There isn't an analogous Android (or BlackBerry or Windows Phone) tweeter. Then again, the market doesn’t move on news of a BlackBerry product anymore.